Jenn Post, As Usual

I am in awe over friends and relatives who have health issues and who keep daily struggles to themselves. I try to. But today, I want to rant. It is so hard scaling everything back the past few years -especially the past two. I actually think I'm on the upswing in pain management, but re-learning to trust my limits has been rather limiting. My body has betrayed me so many times through the years when I've run my battery to 100% that I got paranoid and started living at 25%. That is a bad habit to fall in to. Yes, my body feels much better, but my brain does not. Depression set in. I'm back to 50% the past few months. That means that I feel pretty normal about every other day. Basically, I will do normal mom/human/wife things one day, and the next day is a rest day (rather, a writhing in pain or sleep 18 hours day). The biggest change to moving forward to 50% is one task at a time. Rest. Next task. Rest. Visit chiropractor. Rest. Task. Rest. Visit massage therapist. Rest. Another task. Rest. Try to work to pay for chiropractor and massage. Rest. You get the picture.

The other biggest change is working outside of the home. For 15 years I have been super blessed with working from home, but I'm ready for a change. I need to socialize part time and get paid to do so (because really, I'm totally a content home body otherwise). The days I substitute at the school I feel great. I will be making some major changes work wise by this time next year. I'm excited about it. I can't give a 2 weeks notice at my work, so I'm giving them one more season and hope I can gather the strength of mind and discipline of time to get everything in order to do so. Then on to new adventures.