Blessed are the Little Ones

The past seven weeks have been hard. Depression has hit me with its ugly wave and  I haven't bounced back yet. Depression is funny in me - I'm not sad about everything or angry or anything - I'm just still. It takes an hour to get out of bed. I could sleep for 20 hours. I can go without eating for nearly a day. Usually I crawl out of these depression sessions in a week or two, but I haven't yet. So I went to the doctor to get on some medicine and hopefully it will kick in soon. I've accepted that my genetic make up comes with brown eyes, red hair, fair skin, short stature, and depression. Thing is, I can get a tan, dye my hair, wear high heals, and put on colored contacts to change for the first few items, but the depression is really hard to kick when it comes. It will go, but for now, my little black rain cloud is hovering over.

This is where blessed are the little ones comes in. In the fog of depression, I sometimes do spontaneous things like starting a new job. This is how I dare myself. I've always wanted to pay it forward with the special education classes the way they have helped my son. My friend Kerri asked if I could be a substitute in the functional skills preschool at our local elementary and I said yes. I get paid to be around the most adorable kids who haven't been on earth that long. Some are autistic. Some can't walk well. Some can't talk. But they can giggle and laugh and try hardest to do what they are there to do to learn and play.I go once a week to sub and it has been worth it. The main cure for my depression or fibromyalgia flare up pain has been staying occupied with something. The pain disappears when I'm busy and returns full blast when I'm not. If that is the trick to getting better, I'm always working towards it.

I want to embrace each parent that drops off their child at preschool and tell them, "You can do it! Your child will achieve what matters for them most." I see myself in them - tearful, scared, frustrated, angry, and discouraged about their child who has so many challenges ahead of them. My son grew and improved. We have "leveled up" in so many areas. Education is still a struggle - he just doesn't grasp on to concepts much of the time. He's a great typer, but handwriting is a struggle. He can read beautifully, but can't comprehend what he read about. He can draw comic art with hilarious cartoon characters, but he struggles to cut and paste things. I am preparing myself for the day he needs to be home schooled but I feel pulled to leave him in school because he is so socially happy. That is a huge bonus with autism. So right now, I'm going with the flow, trusting my Heavenly Father, saying prayers to help me have more faith than fear in raising my children and trying to calm down my mama nerves. I feel blessed to work with these special children with special needs. I can't wait to meet them someday in heaven fully restored and thank them for letting me help them.